Friday, October 28, 2022

HCR 5022 - Mandated Sheriff Elections & Modified Oversight



TLDR; This amendment does 2 things 1) requires all counties to have sheriffs, which must be elected and 2) Removes the ability of the county District Attorney to remove the sheriff for misconduct. 

I like item 1, though,I have concerns that a county may have reasons for such a change that I do not understand. I don't like item 2, because the county has a better idea of what is happening than the AG would have.

Overall, I don’t see what problem is prompting us to modify the underpinning of our government in this instance.

Details:

Currently every county except Riley county has an elected sheriff. This constitutional amendment removes the provision under which *Riley county was able to combine the law enforcement for Manhattan and Ogden with county wide law enforcement and change to an advisory board.

Part 1: People decide who they want as the highest level law enforcement officer in their county seems like a great thing.  As always, it’s the second part that has the kicker.

Part 2: Only the AG can issue a conduct challenge for this specific elected position.  All other elected positions still follow the usual and customary practice of the District Attorney being able to issue a conduct challenge.  This gives me multiple concerns: 

  • First and foremost being the District Attorney is in that county and knows what goes on there. * 
  • Second is that it makes all county sheriffs first and foremost beholden to the AG in order to protect their office. 
  • Third is that this is another amendment that shifts power into a smaller subset of state government.
  • The amendment will allow Riley county to move back to having an elected sheriff, if they do, they may not revert back to their current organization.

Bottom line: No - I don't see a reason to modify our constitution for something that is already reality alongside a change the scope of accountability for the office.

Amendment viewable here: 

https://sos.ks.gov/elections/22elec/2022-General-Election-Constitutional-Amendment-HCR-5022.pdf

State Amendment HCR 5014

I know the political discussions can be stressful and exhausting, but it is so, so important that we talk through modifying the underlying foundation of our state government. This post covers the change to legislative powers found in amendment HCR 5014

TL;DR: HCR 5014 Modifies the checks and balances that prevent power imbalances in government. Vote No to maintain the current system of checks and balances. 

 Details: In the November election, we'll be asked to approve or reject 2 amendments to the state constitution. In this post, I want to talk about HCR 5014. This amendment would effectively give the legislature a line item veto by simple majority over every rule, regulation, and action, in whole or in part, taken by all parts of the executive branch with no legal recourse through the courts. 

 This effectively means they could negotiate with members of the legislature in order to get a 2/3 majority, then they can use a simple majority to reverse the implementation of whatever compromise they agreed to. They will have the ability to rewrite or negate rules and regulations in pieces, so they can pick and choose what laws are executed and the means by which they execute. 

 Effectively, they gain unchecked power over the implementation of law. This reversal of the separation of powers would remove incentive to compromise and moderate, which is crucial to a stable government. 

 To be clear: This amendment doesn't repeal regulation and cut burdensome red tape. It gives the legislature _POWER_ in order to control whether the laws they pass are actually implemented, and how the executive branch functions. 

Monday, July 18, 2022

Kansas Abortion Amendment Deep Dive


The Short Version (TL;DR)

Our next election in Kansas (Aug 2) will be a special election where anyone who is registered can vote, regardless of political affiliation.  

We will be voting on an amendment to the Kansas State Constitution called "Value Them Both".  This amendment will remove the constitutional right of bodily autonomy for pregnant populations as found in Hodes & Nauser, MDs, P.A. v Schmidt.  

There has been a LOT of misinformation floating around regarding this amendment and the ramifications of a vote FOR (YES) or AGAINST (NO) modifying our state constitution.

My frustration with the conflicting talking points and spin that were placed by each side led me to try and provide clarity and origins for each of the talking points.


The Facts The Claims

Abortion Law and Consensus

Kansas currently has laws that regulate termination of pregnancy that WILL STAY IN EFFECT WITH A NO VOTE. Those laws include, but aren't limited to:

  • Limited access after 22 weeks
  • Mandatory information packet
  • Required ultrasound before procedure
  • No tele-medicine for medicinal abortions
  • No tax payer funding for abortion services
  • Parental/Guardian consent
  • Health facility regulations on clinics
In the past, Kansans came together and reached consensus on common-sense limits on abortion to protect both women and babies.
The 2019 State Court Ruling The 2019 Supreme Court Ruling said that our state constitution protected a woman's bodily autonomy. They decided that the law which banned the medical procedure D&E put women's health at risk and placed an undue burden on their access to healthcare.
This ended with an extreme 2019 Kansas court ruling that made it impossible to limit abortion in our state.
The Media Quotes The news quotes listed are technically accurate, but lack context. Value them Both REMOVES the State Constitutional right to bodily autonomy when pregnant no matter the circumstance of pregnancy or health. The wording of the amendment will allow full legislative control over the body of a pregnant person.  What the VALUE THEM BOTH Amendment WILL do:

This amendment allows bills such as HB 2746 would be constitutional.  HB 2746 is the actual KS bill that shows the intent of future law if this constitutional amendment passes. (see overview of HB2746 below)
What the VALUE THEM BOTH Amendment will NOT do:
“The Value Them Both Amendment does not ban abortions.” — KMBC 9 News, 6/24/22

“This amendment would not result in any immediate change” in Kansas’ abortion laws. — KSNT 27 News, 5/9/22

The amendment will “explicitly state that the government would not be required to provide funding for abortions.” — KWCH 12 News, 6/24/22

"...saying the amendment bans abortion is false." Topeka Capital Journal, July 11, 2022
Out of State The overwhelming majority of out of state abortions are from Missouri. KS is a state that has a total of 4 clinics statewide, Missouri has 1 clinic.  The overwhelming majority of out of state residents were from Missouri. Is Kansas a destination state for abortion?
YES. In 2020, Kansas had the largest increase in abortions in 25 years, and the majority of them came from out of state.
Need for the Amendment "Value Them Both" is needed in order to ban abortion in Kansas. The Federal court ruling returned the question to the states. Our state Supreme Court found that: (1) section 1 of the Kansas Constitution Bill of Rights protects a woman's right to determine whether to continue a pregnancy, and therefore, the State is prohibited from restricting that right unless it can show that it is doing so to further a compelling government interest and in a way that is narrowly tailored to that interest; and (2) Plaintiffs established that they were substantially likely to show that S.B. 95 impairs natural rights. Is Value Them Both still necessary after the recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling? YES. Kansas law was not changed by the recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling. With Value Them Both, we have an opportunity to come to consensus on abortion limits.
Future Abortion Statistics This speculative number is a result of estimating the locations people will travel to if the 26 states expected to implement a total ban actually ban all abortion. In that case, the remaining 24 states will see an increase as those who have the means travel to receive their needed medical care.  This is the reason there is a predicted increase in Kansas as long as abortion remains legal here. Will abortions increase by 1,000% in Kansas If Value Them Both doesn't pass?
Yes. The Kansas City Star and the Guttmacher Institute (a pro-abortion research group) have both indicated that Kansas will see an increase of more than 1,000% in the number of abortions in Kansas if Value Them Both doesn't pass. This radical increase will pose greater risk to women given it will happen in an unlimited and unregulated environment.
Health and Safety Regulation This statement has no basis in fact. Passing "Value Them Both" does not result in any change in current law. Current law places many restrictions on abortion providers and abortion circumstances. No one has any bills authored or planned to allow unregulated medical care. Note: As with the public at large, the small coalition of medical professionals do not speak for all medical professionals. Numbers. for Kansas Medical Professionals listed in the Coalition:



Will abortion facilities be unregulated if Value Them Both doesn't pass?
If Value Them Both is not passed, veterinarians will have more safety regulations to comply with than abortion providers. That’s why medical professionals are voting YES. The amendment protects common sense limits on abortion clinics, like making sure they are hospital-grade facilities in case of emergencies or complications. Value Them Both ensures that Kansans are kept safe from a predatory abortion industry who would put profits over women’s health and safety. We need to ensure women’s safety can be protected under the law. Note: A small coalition (about 200) physicians, nurses, pharmacists and surgeons have made a public statement endorsing the amendment.
Summary of referenced statistics
  1. Total terminations 7,542
  2. More than 90% occurring before 12 weeks gestation
  3. NONE occurring after 22 weeks.
  4. Top counts of State Abortions:
    1. Missouri (3,201)
    2. Texas (289)
    3. Oklahoma (277)

        More Context...
Abortion Narrative The general narrative surrounding abortion in the United States is that it is a result of careless indifference by women who should better regulate what men do with their gametes. However, when you look deeper into the facts, you find a much different picture. The most common reasons for seeking an abortion are not being able to afford to have a child, the pregnancy coming at the wrong time in life and the man involved not being a suitable partner/parent.
    More Context...
The information in the first column and the information included in the details below were all researched by me. You will find all relevant sources linked in the detailed analysis so you may review for yourself. Disinformation Sites with the above include (but are not limited to): www.kansasamendmentfacts.com valuethemboth.com


Details

Abortion Law and Consensus

In 2022 Kansas currently has common-sense limits on abortion and those limits WILL NOT change if you vote No on the amendment.  It is unknown how the Supreme Court would vote on the laws below and whether they believe they are an undue burden on women seeking abortions.


The following limits are in effect and WILL REMAIN IN EFFECT WITH a NO vote which is AGAINST the amendment:


In Kansas, the following restrictions on abortion were in effect as of June 28, 2022:

  • A patient must receive state-directed counseling that includes information designed to discourage her from having an abortion, and then wait 24 hours before the procedure is provided.
  • Private insurance policies cover abortion only in cases of life endangerment, unless individuals purchase an optional rider at an additional cost.
  • Health plans offered in the state’s health exchange under the Affordable Care Act can only cover abortion in cases of life endangerment.
  • Abortion is covered in insurance policies for public employees only in cases of life endangerment.
  • The use of telemedicine to administer medication abortion is prohibited.
  • The parents of a minor must consent before an abortion is provided
  • Public funding is available for abortion only in cases of life endangerment, rape or incest.
  • A patient must undergo an ultrasound before obtaining an abortion; the provider must offer the patient the option to view the image.
  • An abortion may be performed at 20 or more weeks post-fertilization (22 weeks after the last menstrual period) only in cases of life or severely compromised physical health. This law is based on the assertion, which is inconsistent with scientific evidence and has been rejected by the medical community, that a fetus can feel pain at that point in pregnancy.
  • The state prohibits abortions performed for the purpose of sex selection.
This list was found in the Kansas Fact Sheet on Guttmacher.org

The 2019 State Court Ruling

2019 The Supreme Court ruled that dilation and evacuation (D&E) abortions could not be banned in Kansas because that would create undue hardship and barriers to women seeking healthcare.  This decision DID NOT affect any of the aforementioned limits which are in effect now and would remain in effect.

The court found D&E was the most commonly-used procedure for second trimester abortions and the medical alternatives the Attorney General proposed were more dangerous. Making Dilation and Evacuation illegal placed an undue burden on the woman seeking an abortion.

The finding further concluded the drafters and ratifiers meant for Section 1 to protect every person's right to personal autonomy—and this right enables a woman to make decisions regarding her body, health, family formation, and family life, including the decision whether to continue a pregnancy. 

The Media Quotes

The news quotes listed are technically accurate, but do not contain full context. The source links don't tell you whether this is from an opinion piece, editorial or news report. The author is not credited and there is no way to determine the provenance. If anyone has access to the Topeka Capital Journal, I suspect this is where you would find the last snippet of a quote.

For more information on when and how quotes should be used when trying to report facts, see the News Manual chapter on quotes

What the Amendment Does

The Value Them Both amendment will strip pregnant people of the right to bodily autonomy as found in section 1 of the state constitution and replace the pregnant person's judgment as well as judgement of their medical team, with that of the elected state representatives and state senators. The amendment specifically states that the state legislative body will "pass laws regarding abortion, including, but not limited to, laws that account for circumstances of pregnancy resulting from rape or incest, or circumstances of necessity to save the life of the mother.”

This amendment itself simply ensures women have no rights when they are pregnant other than those granted through the legislature.  What rights will be granted would be determined by bills introduced once the barrier of constitutional protection is removed from pregnant women.

Out of State

Need for the Amendment

Without this amendment, legislators will not have unlimited control over the bodies of all pregnant people and all related conceptions from the point of fertilization through birth.

There is already a bill authored and ready to submit as reported in the Kansas Reflector.

“We do have one ready — HB2746 — so we’ll move that up,” Chrisman said.
-- Lori Chrisman, 18-county regional director for the Value Them Both Coalition

“We’ll be able to make further laws, further refinement, with my goal of life starting at conception,”

-- Senator Mark Steffen, a Hutchinson Republican 


HB 2746


Here are the details of HB 2746, which was submitted and allowed to die in committee last session in order to prepare for the passing of this amendment. The full bill can be found here.


While reading the bill, I found it does the following following:

  • Makes all abortion from fertilization on illegal. All Embryo Destruction would be considered an abortion, including artificial insemination (IVF) which will be a Level 1 Felony
  • Allows abortion in only 3 circumstances:
    1. To save the life or health of AN UNBORN CHILD.
    2. Remove a dead, unborn child whose death was caused by spontaneous miscarriage or stillbirth.
    3. Ectopic Pregnancy once it seriously threatens the life of the mother only if there is no way to save both mother and child.
  • Establishes broad legal definitions for Abortion, fertilization, and unborn child
  • Modifies Kansas Law to use the new definitions for Abortion
  • Modifies the criminal code
    1. Removes clause stating that a person can't be charged in the case stillbirth or miscarriage they experience. Any act that a mother undertakes that theoretically results in the death of an unborn child can be criminally prosecuted.
    2. Removes a clause saying that any lawful medical procedure performed by licensed medical professionals at request of pregnant woman or legal guardian cannot be prosecuted.
  • Modifies the Civil Code
    1. You cannot sue someone for wrongful life or wrongful birth for not providing an abortion that results in a negative outcome for the child.
    2. You cannot sue someone for injury, handicap, disease, or disability of the mother caused by not ending the pregnancy.
  • Modifies Reporting Requirements for KDCF
    • The Kansas Department for Children and Families will no longer publish a report on the number of child sexual abuse reports received.
  • Modifies definition of fetal tissue and changes laws regarding use thereof
    • Changes KS Law to state that you cannot use fetal tissue from a stillbirth for science or to transplant into another person (my note: I believe this means that organ/tissue donation to save life, or health of another is not legal if death occurs before birth.)
  • Amends Kansas law to narrowly define medical necessity to if a pregnant woman will die or have irreversible substantial physical impairment of a major bodily function.

Note that HB 2746 states specifically that ectopic pregnancy must seriously threaten the life of the mother before a doctor can help her.  Additionally none of the other conditions that can result in the death of the mother are cause for abortion.  This means that serious medical conditions such as pre-eclampsia will have to be allowed to continue until the death of mother and baby. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists affirms that Abortion can be medically necessary to preserve a patient's health or save their life.


Future Abortion Statistics

The Guttmacher institute offers an interactive map showing how state laws affect access to abortion for all citizens of the US.  This page was used in order to determine where people would go for abortions assuming they had the resources to travel.  Searching for "Guttmacher Institute 1000% abortion" finds a number of states reporting a potential increase of 1000%, which is interesting.  The source of that data has been updated since those reports were issued.  Current data can be reviewed at the Guttmacher Institute Interactive Map 

Health and Safety Regulation

As reported in the Kansas City Star Abortion clinics in Kansas face regulation from the Kansas Department of Health and Environment and the Kansas State Board of Healing Arts. Practicing clinicians must abide by license requirements and investigations by the Board of Healing Arts, just like all other medical professionals in the state.

Under Kansas statute, clinicians regulated by the board must meet safety, sanitation and cleanliness guidelines and adhere to strict guidelines regarding the handling and disposal of medical and hazardous materials. Furthermore, the Board of Healing Arts, requires clinicians to adhere to best practices in surgery and recovery. 

Negative outcomes, including hospitalization as a result of the surgery, must be reported to the board of healing arts. KDHE licenses, regulates, and inspects hospitals and ambulatory surgical centers.

Kansas Abortion Statistics

KDHE provides a yearly report on abortions here are the last 2 years:

Abortions in Kansas, 2020 - In-state collection of 2020 abortion reports is complete. 
  • The total of 7,542 reports is 9.1 percent higher than reported in 2019, which was 6,916 reports.
  • Out-of-state residents outnumbered in-state residents, 3,901 reports to 3,641 reports.
  • No Kansas residents obtained abortions at 22 weeks or greater gestation in or outside the state.
Abortions in Kansas, 2021 - In-state collection of 2021 abortion reports is complete. 
  • The total of 7,849 reported occurrences is 4.1% higher than reported in 2020, which was 7,542 reported occurrences. 
  • Reported occurrences for in-state residents were nearly equivalent to reported occurrences for out-of-state residents, 3,933 reported to 3,912 reported, respectively. 
  • No Kansas residents obtained abortions at 22 weeks or greater gestation in or outside the state.

Abortion Narrative

The predominant caricature of a woman in the United States seeking an abortion is an indifferent woman who cannot be bothered to carry a child despite a multitude of available adopters seeking children.  However, this perception is readily challenged by seeking out those who receive abortion and looking deeper into their socioeconomic and social situations.

It is important to remember that abortion is not the opposite of pregnancy, it is the opposite of parenting.  Humans innate connection to their offspring leads to adoption as a final act of desperation in most cases.  This act of desperation traumatizes both the parents and children even when the adoption occurs immediately at birth.  

Adoption is a multi-billion dollar industry that America needs to grapple with. Current policy creates desperate people who lose access to their children while those who place them rake in profits. We have stripped identities and history from thousands of children to benefit facilitators who prey equally on 2 desperate groups of people.  Our culture commoditizes babies to the long term detriment of them, the people who parent them, and the people who lost them. 

Further reading:


Friday, December 18, 2020

My Concerns with ABA

I've been meaning to write this post for a while.  There are lots of concerns and confusion about ABA.  ABA is a particular application of behavioral psychology.  ABA tends to be dangerous when implemented for a few reasons.

First, most behavior based programs ignore internal motivation. They don't ask the person why, they just manipulate antecedents and consequences until they get the external behaviors they want to see. Check out this explainer on humanism and Behaviorism for more. I am heavily in favor of a mix of both with humanism as the primary technique. https://prezi.com/m/au2vljqlsot1/behaviorist-vs-humanist/

Second, ABA programs are often about compliance explicitly or implicitly. Generally speaking, over the long term, the skill of immediate unthinking compliance does not serve a human well. Compliance can make parenting easier for the first 10-12 years, then, suddenly, you and your kid's teachers aren't the only ones making requests and influencing your kid, other teens and young adults start making requests too. I'll explain the compliance aspect below:

A lot of ABA is based on establishing a target directive "Give me Apple" and drilling on that directive over a variety of scenarios until Mastery is achieved. Mastery is defined by a number of correct responses over a number of days without prompts within a specific time frame. 

For example, a program may be something like this: For each iteration where the child responds within 2 seconds without protest, the child gets social praise and when the child succeeds without prompting, a bit of food or other external enforcer.: first you have an apple on the table and say give me apple, you do that with prompts gradually fading the prompt, until the prompt is no longer needed. Then you add an "unknown" object with the and say give me apple with a prompt, such as pointing, or taking the child's hand, placing it on the apple, then having them grasp the apple and moving their hand to your other hand. Then you fade that prompt until the grab the apple every time you say it without prompting, then you switch to apple and another object the child does know and you do the same thing fading the prompt until they respond without prompts. 

Now, child has learned apple. This will continue for any object you need a child to know, any sight word you want child to learn, any word sound, word, phrase or sentence you want the child to speak, any action you want the child to take such as coming when called, sitting when asked, standing when asked, etc. And the goal is always quickly responding to the request.

So, after 20-40 hours of that type of interaction per week every week, we've established a pattern where a person asks you to do something and you comply within 1-2 seconds and person will reward you. When that's the habit you drill into a human's head, you cannot be surprised when they continue that pattern with all humans they interact with.

My third and biggest problem with ABA is essentially the result of combining problem one and two. Without asking WHY a child is objecting, we've trained them to comply. We've overridden their own instincts.  We've taught them to ignore their inner voice, and to comply even when everything in them screams something is wrong.  We've robbed them of trust in their own mind and body. 

Many of the problems people have with their autistic kids come down to incompatibility between their instincts and boundaries. Teaching a person to comply despite their own boundaries and reservations  is dangerous and irresponsible. It is very hard to balance someone learning to maintain their boundaries and the kind of compliance typically demanded by ABA. The Analysis used in ABA is based on data.  And almost all the data taken boils down to blanket compliance in the end. Blanket compliance only serves a child for a very short time in their lives.  

In the end, the same people that praised ABA for giving them a child they could manage, remove that child's autonomy when they reach adulthood.  They explain that the once-child/now-adult is gullible, that they give anyone their money, agree to anything someone asks them to do, and can't be trusted to make their own decisions financial or otherwise.  Some of these autistic adults even lose the right to vote as part of their parents taking guardianship.  So, we have traumatized autistic individuals who have repeatedly violated their own boundaries and in the end, allowing that to happen costs them their freedom.  ABA may look like fun and games, but the unintended lessons learned are a life-long tragedy.

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Book Fairy

My shift to book fairy began 2 years ago when I read Dr. Barry Prizant's "Uniquely Human". I loved everything about it and how it illustrated the attitudes our family shares about our Autism. I loved it so much, just before Christmas break, I gave it as a Christmas gift to both my son's Gen Ed and Resource teacher. After break, and throughout the rest of the school year they gushed over how much they loved those books and if I found anything else, please share.

So, at the start of this last year, I handed out the same book to his 2nd grade teacher and new resource teacher. Which is when I learned not everyone would appreciate the gift (they never even opened the books). I hold out hope that one day, they will open those books and it will change their world view. (Our Gen Ed teacher graded my son on his disability rather than his capability. Last year was a pretty disappointing year). That second grade year, the resource teacher that wouldn't crack open "Uniquely Human" told ME to read "The Explosive Child". She said she had read it and used it with her son. I got the audio book and listened to it and I was HOOKED.

We immediately started implementing at home, and since she had recommended it, I asked her to use the techniques at school as well. Ends up she didn't grok what she'd read, and continued to pursue a largely Skinner based behavior intervention plan that was failing. At this point, I'd also started reading "Self-Reg" and had come to the conclusion that the whole school system needed to change it's mind and heart when it came to how it perceived a kid having a hard time.

Seeing that I wasn't getting the kind of buy in I was hoping for from the resource teacher's current knowledge, I bought her a copy of "Lost at School". As I walked into the school to hand it to her, last year's resource teacher came running up and gushed "What have you brought now?! You find the best books I still love that book you gave me last year!". I let her take pictures of the books and gave them to this year's resource teacher. As far as I can tell, it joined a pile along with "Uniquely Human" somewhere in her house. (This lead to me sending increasingly desperate shorter materials for her to review including specific podcast episodes, the educators walking tour, some of the written one sheets, etc. The moral here is you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make em drink).

The reaction from last year's resource teacher got me thinking. I realized the two that had the best response were coincidentally given just before a school break. Then I hatched my plan. I created a special part of my household budget for book purchasing and saved and to start, I bought 9 copies of "Lost At School" and "Self-Reg".

Just before Spring Break, I gave a set to my son's after school care, another to his OT, 2 sets to the Special Ed department at his school, a set to the counseling department at school, a set to the school principal (totally given up on the GenEd teacher). I also gave copies to both sets of grandparents (though one prefers to receive kindle versions and wanted "Raising Human Beings" to use it with her less explosive grandkids as well). Copies went out to his BCBA and RBT as well, because I adore them and they adore books :)

A few weeks after Spring Break my son started having a really hard time, I continued to send weekly missives on a more humanistic approach based on Dr. Greene's model, things continued to go down hill as they used behaviorial approaches that ignored the internal motivations such as ignoring him when he exploded (his explosions are panic based, so and ignoring them heightens his reaction). Then the school psychologist called about shifting him to a center based program because the behavior they were seeing was so intense.

I explained my frustration with their continued insistence on using a Skinner based behaviorism approach when it was obvious that a more humanistic approach was the appropriate course of action based on decades of research. We agreed to assess at our IEP transition meeting at the end of the year. Building on what I knew, about people I brought the remaining 3 sets of "Lost At School"/"Self Reg" (I used to bring chocolate, but I'm low carb now and books are better anyway). I had written out a 9 page document on the concepts in the book and how they should apply to my son, along with a version of the BIP based on the Positive BIP in the files. So everyone had a basic idea of what is in the books. They took pictures of the books for summer reading (including a contracted consultant who had been called in for my son's case). (Abridged version of the document I sent them can be found here)

Last I heard, they've been passing the books around over the summer. My son's after school care bought more copies of the book after reading the copy I gave them and purchased "Raising Human Beings" as well. They are planning on switching their discipline strategy based on what they had learned.

I've started gathering more copies of the book for this year, along with "Lost and Found". I'm planning to get them into the hands of the district's special education management team somehow and giving them to my daughter's new daycare. I am considering making up cards with the book titles and authors on them so I can hand them out if I see parents who need a new strategy... Seriously, if the whole world used this lens for every human they interacted with, the world would be a much kinder place.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Our Current Parenting Strategies & How they apply to school

The central theme in the books and philosophies we have been adopting revolve around 3 simple, but powerful, core tenets:
  1. Ask Why - Ask the affected person why, the answers can surprise you
  2. Be Proactive - Solve problems before they happen, instead of reacting after
  3. Flooded people can’t learn - If a person is already in limbic response (Dr. Shanker's Red Brain) or fight/flight/freeze (Dr. Shanker's Lizard Brain), it is too late to intervene.
Our transition from a Skinner based behavioral style of parenting to a more humanistic style began when I read the book “Uniquely Human” by Dr. Barry Prizant.  After reading the book and finding it incredibly rewarding, I gifted copies to both my son's General Education and Resource teacher that year at Christmas. They stated they also greatly enjoyed the book (fair warning, it’s a bit of a dense read, these all are).  Dr. Prizant is one of the creators of the SCERTS model (Social Communication, Emotional Regulation and Transactional Support).  This philosophy intrigued me, however I wasn’t able to find the depth of supporting resources I believed would be needed.   

This year, several people recommended “The Explosive Child” by Dr. Ross Greene.  First, I listened to the abridged audio version of the book (only 2.5 hours long, for those in a hurry).  Then, I read the more broadly applicable "Raising Human Beings".  Finally, I began exploring the materials on Dr. Greene’s website, where I found a wealth of information and evidence-based practices that resonated strongly with us as a family.  Shortly after I began investigating Dr. Greene's Collaborative & Proactive Solutions, I also started reading "Self-Reg" by Dr. Stuart Shanker.  I am still working my way through that book, but have learned a lot about how stress affects the body and and mind, as well as managing energy flow to optimize self-regulation.  Understanding the Triune brain and determining which brain is driving the behaviors I see is a huge influence on how I handle the behaviors I see. For a fantastic video on the brain and how it functions, check out "Explaining the Brain to Children and Adolescents".  Share it with your kids, it will help you all understand what is happening.  It is fantastic

The Shanker Method added yet another piece to the puzzle that was leading me further away from Skinner based behaviorism.  All of the above mentioned resources start with the same basic premise. We need to reframe how we understand behavior.    Skinner teaches us that the behavior we see is learned and ultimately manipulative in nature. That all human action is based in a strategic attempt to control the environment and its demands.  A lens shift occurred for us when this behavior was reframed. The actions of an overwhelmed human aren’t manipulative, often times they aren’t even rational. Expecting someone in a flooded state to be rational or in control ignores the biological functions that rule when a person is in this type of dysregulated state.  The blog post about Spoon Theory gives a really relatable framework for understanding how the extra work of illness or disability take a toll on the resources available for self-regulation.  

While researching the above methodologies, I came across this article on the implementation of Dr. Greene’s method within the school setting. Which led me to Dr. Greene’s CPS Walking Tour, which has a fantastic introductory video that really explores the idea that behavioral success is simply a matter of motivation. The core of Dr. Green’s methodology is based on the idea that the behaviors are actually symptoms of developmental or learning delays or disabilities, in a series of important life skills, rather than manipulative or attention seeking behaviors. The Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP) is the tool for identifying the lagging skills and for brainstorming the problems to solve. After having used the tool personally, I believe it would be beneficial for every team to fill out an ALSUP during the IEP process. In addition to the Walking Tour, here is an easy to consume FAQ for this process.


Additionally, this Bill of Rights sums up the goals we have for our kids.This was also written by the folks at livesinthebalance.org

If we don’t start doing right by kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges, we’re going to keep losing them at an astounding rate. Doing the right thing isn’t an option…It’s an imperative. There are lives in the balance, and we all need to do everything we can to make sure those lives aren’t lost.

BEHAVIORALLY CHALLENGING KIDS HAVE THE RIGHT:

  1. To have their behavioral challenges understood as a form of developmental delay in the domains of flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem solving.
  2. To have people–parents, teachers, mental health clinicians, doctors, coaches..everyone—understand that challenging behavior is no less a form of developmental delay than delays in reading, writing, and arithmetic, and is deserving of the same compassion and approach as are applied to these other cognitive delays.
  3. Not to be misunderstood as bratty, spoiled, manipulative, attention-seeking, coercive, limit-testing, controlling, or unmotivated,
  4. To have adults understand that challenging behavior occurs in response to specific unresolved problems and that these unsolved problems and are usually highly predictable and can therefore be solved proactively.
  5. To have adults understand that the primary goal of intervention is to collaboratively solve these problems in a way that is realistic and mutually satisfactory so that they don’t precipitate challenging behavior anymore.
  6. To have adults (and peers) understand that time-outs, detentions, suspensions, expulsion, and isolation do not solve problems or “build character” but rather often make things worse.
  7. To have adults take a genuine interest in their concerns or perspective, and to have those concerns and perspectives viewed as legitimate, important, and worth listening to and clarifying.
  8. To have adults in their lives who do not resort to physical intervention and are knowledgeable about and proficient in other means of solving problems.
  9. To have adults who understand that solving problems collaboratively—rather than insisting on blind adherence to authority—is what prepares kids for he demands they will face in the real world.
  10. To have adults understand that blind obedience to authority is dangerous, and that life in the real world requires expressing one’s concerns, listening to the concerns of others, and working toward mutually satisfactory solutions.
Finally, if you haven't had a chance to view some of the body of work shared by The Amazing Things Project, there are some amazing perspectives to be had there.

An Alternative to Motivation Based Interventions

The base assumption of behavior based intervention is that kids will do well if they want to. Our experience with our son belies that belief.  Dr. Ross Greene takes a more humanistic approach that is summarized in this quote "Challenging kids are challenging because they’re lacking the skills not to be challenging…they are delayed in the development of crucial cognitive skills, such as flexibility/ adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem-solving."  This frames the visible behaviors as symptoms of a developmental delay. We can no more expect that motivation alone will solve these issues than we’d expect motivation to lead a dyslexic child to read.

Once we accept that behaviors are a symptom of developmental delay in the aforementioned crucial skills, the lens begins to change.  No more are we questioning why a child doesn’t want to behave appropriately, instead we are looking for the barrier that is preventing something they desperately want to do.  This begs the question, how do we get over that barrier. How do we teach skills like Problem-Solving, Frustration tolerance, adaptability, and flexibility? Modeling is one of our best tools for teaching these skills. The entire Plan B process is a blueprint for how we want our children to interact with the world:
  1. When you are becoming emotionally compromised, practice self care to regain equilibrium
  2. When everyone is in a calm and centered state, ask the person what they are experiencing and really listen, for the purpose of truly understand their perspective, rather than to frame your reply
  3. Express your concerns regarding the situation, while they listen to understand your perspective in return
  4. Collaborate to find a solution that meets everyone’s needs.
If I can model this to the point where it is the default action for my child when they are in conflict with another human, I will consider that a major win for my parenting.  This process provides a framework for kids to learn these crucial skills.

Here is an example Plan B Conversation my son and I had after an incident in a lunchroom.  In this incident, the original assumption was that my son was upset he didn’t have chips, because his routine was to get chips every day at the end of lunch:

I started with “I heard you had trouble leaving the lunch room on Friday, what’s up?”

He replied “I wanted chips and lunch time was over”.  

I replied “You wanted chips and lunch time was over, anything else”?  

He said “She just kept ignoring me”.  

I said “She kept ignoring you, anything more to tell”?  

He said “No, it just really made me mad to be ignored”

I said, “You wanted chips when lunchtime was over, and it made you mad when she ignored you when you told her that”.  

He said “yes”.  

I said “anything else you want to tell me about that?”  

He said “No”.  

I then shifted into the adult concerns portion, I said “my concern here is that an hour long reaction to being ignored isn’t actually going to get you heard, do you think she knew she was ignoring you and the information you had to provide”?  

He said “I don’t know”.  

I asked “What do you think you could try next time you are feeling ignored”.  

He said “I can tell them to stop ignoring me”.  

I said “Let’s try that and see how it works”.  

This was one of our first Plan B conversations (I wrote it up to send to his teacher).  The biggest take-away here for me, is the base assumption upon which my son's teachers acted was fundamentally flawed.  They lectured him on alternate ways to get food from someone without yelling, but the real problem was something different.  If we don't ask the person with the problem "why" there are pretty good odds that we'll be solving the wrong problem.

At home, we support the plan when we see the problem arise. If it doesn’t work, we wait until we are calm, we talk about it some more and we modify the plan.  We’re having trouble finding footing on how to create and implement plans for school, but we are working on it.  This blog post actually originated as a 9 page document I sent to the school in order to help them help my son.  I've (hopefully) removed all the identifying characteristics and personal information.  If anyone sees something, drop me a line.

One of the ways we’re working on improving our abilities to support and help our children at home is by working through the book “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk”.  We are finding that the exercises built into the book are really helping us cement our skills.  I also listened to and gained a lot of tools for helping my kids when they were young with the related book “How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen And Listen So Little Kids Will Talk”.  I loved that it included information for those of us who have more challenging kids.  So many book skip over our very vulnerable demographic.

Stephen Covey wrote “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”  We’re working hard to build a habit of listening to understand. It is a difficult shift to make, after the habits of a lifetime, but I think it is well worth it.

Note: This post is available as a google doc so you can modify/add/include it in packets for use with your own school or family.  Please keep the credit in the footer.

Friday, February 2, 2018

Kid Updates for February 2017

C had a cardiology appointment yesterday.  The night before we had this really nuanced and in depth conversation about his cardiac status and why his heart beat so slow and what that meant, both now and in the future.  It was nothing like what I'd expect to talk about with a 7 year old, and yet, it didn't prepare me for the reality of his concerns.  Especially with C at this time, this kind of back and forth conversation as been rare.  We stayed on topic the entire time and the questions he asked were thoughtful and showed he had an understanding of the situation of which we were previously unaware.

While we were at the appointment, he put up the usual prolonged protest to the echo, the stickers on his chest, etc.  He hates having things stuck to his skin, so some of it was expected.  The doctor agreed to forego the stickers on the echo, despite the decreased picture quality that will result.  But C continued to protest.  After about 25 minutes trying to get him to lay down he yelled "I just don't want to know if I need another open heart surgery".

We did finally get the echo.  The repair is holding.  We're doing a 24 hour Holter right now so we can find out what his heart is doing over the course of a day.  I'm still hoping it will pick up speed or heal, or do something so we can achieve stability.  If not that, I hope they can figure out a way to make those stem cells we saved at birth replace or repair the sinus node that just isn't doing the job. 

 R had the flu last month.  We all went on Tamiflu in the hopes of stopping it in its tracks, which seems to have worked.  This year's flu seems to be particularly troublesome when it comes to secondary infections.  Poor R was on tamiflu, and a steroid, and just finished some antibiotics for the pneumonia that developed in the wake of the flu.   She's also doing well, though it was somewhat disconcerting to have her tell me "The left side of my face is swollen".  She is so aware of what's going on with her body, compared to her brother's disconnect, it is quite startling. 

 Both kiddos are in school, both at the elementary school and an after school program. R goes for half days, then to a Montessori preschool for the other half.  She's enjoying everything about school, C would prefer more academic rigor, everything is too frustrating on the motor front and too boring on the intellectual front.  It's a hard balance because the two aspects are so very lop-sided.  Everyone is doing their best.  We have our next IEP meeting in a few weeks.  I am looking forward to coming up with ideas to help him next year.


Friday, October 27, 2017

Improved DIY T-Shirt Chew Necklaces



I have been refining my chew necklace technique since I first started making Chew necklaces a couple of years ago now.  I finally have a necklace I'm really happy with.  It takes me about 10 minutes to make a complete necklace (12 minutes if I need to cut t-shirt strips).  I like these necklaces a lot.  They have circumvented some of the big problems I had with the commercial chew necklaces.  The Chew Letters, Chewelry and other items quickly became choking hazards as my son would crack the beads or tubes within the first 6-8 hours.  Also, his teachers and I found that saliva would drip down onto the table as he worked because the tubes and beads were not absorbent.

I looked online for ideas for DIY chew necklaces, but I had concerns with the t-shirt necklaces I found because they didn't have a breakaway clasp.  I started with paracord clasps and braided my son's preferred material (t-shirt) around the paracord, but each necklace took 45 minutes to break and lasted 4-6 washings before they looked terrible and I wanted to replace them.  What I really wanted was something fast to create, machine washable, and cheap.

Today I have a solution I'm totally happy with.  I have found a clasp that breaks away effectively, but doesn't require that I use paracord.  Note: It isn't the one in the picture, below  (with my dog).  The clasp in that picture is from Hobby Lobby and though it is called a breakaway buckle, I tested it and I was unable to get it to pop apart. I have stopped using those clasps in favor of these, from Amazon.

I did find and purchase a super cheap Chinese version of this clasp, and I have tested them for lead, using a 3M lead test swab and they tested negative, this time, but use at your own risk.  The clasps from China look and feel exactly the same, and they are significantly cheaper, however, you run the risks of purchasing from China, where the manufacturing standards differ greatly.  Given that the clasps are reusable many times over, compared to the t-shirt strips they hold, make your best choice on which one you want to get, based on your own concerns and expectations.

For t-shirt material, I purchase XXL 100% Cotton men's t-shirts at my local thrift store, the thicker the better.  On the days where T-shirts are 99 cents each, or you can buy a bag of clothes for 5 dollars, I stock up.  I cut the t-shirts into 1 inch strips.  I also make t-shirt bags, so I generally stop about 2-4 inches below the sleeves especially if the shirt has a cool design, like the batman bag in the picture above.  I also cut off the sleeves  to make small drawstring bags that can hold things like brand new chew necklaces, or used, soggy ones.  To get more info on the creation of the t-shirt sacks, or drawstring bags, check out my previous blog post with the more intricate and time consuming chew necklaces, as well as the aforementioned bags.

In order to make the t-shirt strip creation process slightly faster, I do use a rotary cutter.  I purchased this one on Amazon.

Materials: 

Video Tutorial:


Step By Step Instructions:

Begin by cutting your 1 inch width t-shirt strips.  I cut 10-12 Men's XXL t-shirts up at a time, but you can cut as few as 5 strips to get started.


Stack the five loops one on top of the other, then make the end as tight and wrinkle free as you can. 



Insert the t-shirt strips into one side of the clasp. I try to have the bottom of the clasp facing me, but really, it doesn't matter all that much which way your knot folds.  Pull about 1.5-2 inches of loop through the clasp, then loop the long tail back through the small loop and pull tight.

This forms the knot that will secure the beginning of your braid to the clasp.  According to my research, this type of knot is known as a Larks head knot.  It will be used to secure both ends of the necklace to the clasp.









Once you have the knot secured, use the chip clip or whatever securing device you have and secure the clasp end so you can begin braiding.  Do your best to line the loops up so they aren't too tangled and place 1 loop each on the index, middle and ring finger of your left hand (Pictured below with tan, blue and yellow loops) and the index and middle finger of your right hand (pictured below with the black and red loops).

Then, using your ring finger on your right hand, go through the ring and middle finger loops on your left hand, then bring your right ring finger OVER the left hand index finger loop and hook the t-shirt strand.  This puts a half twist in the loop as it pulls it back, which helps make the braid.  Bring it back through the other loops on the left hand to complete the first pass in the braid.  You should now have loops on the index, middle and ring finger of your RIGHT hand and the middle and ring finger of your left hand. Bring the loops way out to the side, to tighten the braid by moving the weaving close to the clasp.

You now need to shift the loops up one finger each on your left hand, freeing the ring finger up to do the same pass from the opposite side.  Once you have the loops on your index and middle finger, use your ring finger on your left hand to go through the ring and middle finger loops on the right hand, then over the right hand index finger loop, hooking the strand and taking it back through the other loops.  Walk the two remaining strands up one finger each and you should be back where you started.  Again, bring the loops way out to the side, to tighten the braid by moving the weaving close to the clasp. Keep alternating that pattern until you have about 1.5-2 inches worth of loop left at the end.

Pull the remaining loops back through the other end of the clasp with the back of the clasp facing you.  Group the 5 loops together  and after separating the two pieces of the clasp pass the end that has already been used to create a larks head knot through the loops on the other side.  Pull them tight and you should have a second larks head knot on the other side of the clasp.  This completes your chew necklace.



Credits:

My Sincere thanks to Loop Braider on YouTube whose tutorial taught me the 5 loop square braid I use in this video. For more details on the braid mechanics, or to try other braids in your necklace, check out her tutorials.

Friday, January 27, 2017

The ACA - A discussion between acquaintances

This was a small part of a larger conversation thread on Facebook that started with the women's march. My friend engaged in an exchange regarding healthcare in this country, with several conservative acquaintances of ours.  I had let the conversation go until a particular comment, the first comment in the dialogue below caught my eye.  I had to ask a question.  Unfortunately, the person that prompted the question never really engaged in the dialogue.  The two people who did had a striking viewpoint, one I thought to be worth saving for future reflection, so I'm posting it here.

Conservative 1:  Here's the difference between EMS and insurance. EMS is there to handle accidents or tragedies. Insurance is to pay for healthcare for an individual or family. I choose not to eat healthy or exercise, I choose to have children. Why should someone who it does exercise and eat right pay for my diabetes or heart failure? Why should someone who doesn't have children pay for my children being born or their health care? Healthcare costs are based on the individual's, their lifestyle, their choices. I don't smoke why should I pay for someone else's lung cancer? That is vastly different than my house catching on fire or I get into a car accident.
Me (The Liberal): Wow, I've been out of the loop for a while on this thread. Hi Conservative 1, can you clarify for me, was my son's heart defect my choice or his choice? Which of us is to blame? What about my genetic condition? I wasn't aware of it until after both my kids were born, but what did I, or my parents do that caused it and what did I do that caused it to be passed on to one of my kids? What about my second perfectly healthy pregnancy where my water broke and the placenta started to die leading to an early delivery and 83 days of intensive care for my daughter. Which of us were responsible for that?

Conservative 1: It's an awful thing that your son has that condition. It's an awful thing that my friend's son was born with a genetic condition that caused him to die at the young age of 5. But we choose to have children and when we do that their Healthcare becomes our responsibility. I truly am sorry that your son was born with that and I truly hope he is doing well.


Conservative 2:  I wonder how these people would think if I showed up at their job and told them they should make less money because they "Owe" me their profession.

Me (The Liberal): Conservative 1 Ok, I do want to understand your position, if insurance companies are businesses, whose goal is to make money and they should be allowed to discharge people who are expensive because they affect the bottom line, and tax payers shouldn't be penalized for the decisions of others, is it your belief that only those who have enough money to pay cash for care should have advanced, life-saving care?


Conservative 2, Same question for you :)

Conservative 2: A) Your argument is moot. Hospitals and EMS providers can't turn down someone on their inability to pay. They have to perform life saving care. So this argument has nothing to do with insurance.

B) You have to eat food to survive. If you don't eat, you WILL die. Should I be able to go to the premier restaurants in my area and demand their best entree despite my inability to pay for it?

Me (The Liberal): Conservative 2 A) They have to stabilize and transfer to a county hospital where taxpayers foot the bill, they do not have to provide care beyond stabilization at their facility. If WE the taxpayer are not supposed to have to pay and insurance should not have to pay, what should a person who needs expensive care do?
B) You have to eat food to survive, again, those who cannot afford food are provided a safety net by the taxpayer in the current system, however, this is a red herring. No one is saying you must be flown to the best hospital in the country for treatment, the question is, if neither insurance companies nor taxpayers should be responsible for healthcare, who is, or are those who cannot pay supposed to die by your philosophy.

Conservative 2: Stabilize would be life saving care. And insurance will pay, if you have kept your premium up. You aren't owed insurance though, it's a business arrangement. And you should probably pay for your healthcare just like you pay for your nice house, and your nice car, and your everything else. It's a part of life, you should budget for it accordingly.


Conservative 2: Well despite the world having an overpopulation problem and some people dying might be good for the world... we won't get into that. No I never said that those cannot pay are supposed to die, you are hearing what you want to hear. I said hospitals and EMS are already forced to perform life saving care. I'm not sure how to break this down any simpler... do I need to get crayons?

Me (The Liberal): Before the ACA, insurance used a number of strategies to retroactively remove insurance from people who cost money, or provided coverage that excluded systems that had pre-existing conditions, or declined to provide coverage for people who are sick. To my understanding, your world says, Insurance companies are business intended to make money, they should be able to make decisions about who they care for based on their own bottom line. Your world also says, that taxpayers shouldn't have to pay for those who cannot afford insurance. Also, that there is overpopulation in the world and death is useful.Therefore, are you advocating for the death of anyone who cannot pay for their own healthcare?

Conservative 2: No, actually I've stated repeatedly insurance shouldn't be able to drop someone who becomes a bad bet. That's the only part of the ACA that I agreed with at all.

But yes they should be able to decline a customer who they don't want to insure because there is no way they will profit off of them from the get go. They should not be forced to throw away money. Should I be able to show up at your house and force you to invest your money poorly?

Me (The Liberal): So if insurance companies don't have to cover someone with a pre-existing condition in your world, what happens if your company changes insurance companies, as an example. Without the removal of yearly caps, lifetime caps, coverage exclusions and pre-existing condition clauses, millions cannot have insurance. If taxpayers also won't cover them, they are still left with death as their only option.


As for the requirements of law in a life threatening medical situation, stabilize and transport is the ONLY requirement. They do not have to treat or repair, just stabilize the patient and transport to another facility. If the patient can't pay, they are transported to the local taxpayer funded hospital that provides the care.

You are making a great argument for why healthcare shouldn't be a for profit industry.

Conservative 2: We get it. You're selfish and worry about what's in it for you and think the world owes you something. You've made that clear. Maybe nothing should be for profit right? I mean, you will keep being owed things.

Me (The Liberal): the fact that me wanting my children to have access to healthcare despite the fact that they have medical conditions makes me selfish in your eyes is an indictment of you and your belief system.


In my eyes, you are the selfish one for caring more about a few hundred dollars more a month than the lives of millions who would be saved by your contribution.

Conservative 2: No, it makes you selfish. You are worried about how it effects YOU. You think anyone else is selfish for not wanting to pay 50 dollars a month for YOUR needs. But you worry about you. I don't owe your kid 50 dollars a month. I don't owe you 50 dollars a month. Maybe you shoudl live in a less expensive house. Maybe you should drive less expensive cars. Maybe you should live on a different scale. But you don't do any of those things, you just think it's other people's responsibility to foot the bill. I reject that idea.

Me (The Liberal): Between my husband and I we haven't made over 4 million dollars in our lives. If we walked, never ate and lived in a box we found in a dumpster that was gifted to us by a samaritan, we STILL couldn't afford our healthcare.


We have very different definitions of selfishness. Your 50 dollars (or even 500 dollars, to be more fair about the actual costs these days) is worth more to you than a human life, which is your prerogative, but does say something about your value system.

Conservative 3: Me (The Liberal) - Comparing your unique situation of 4 million in medical debt is the exception, not the rule. Most of Americans do not have 4 million in medical debt. Expecting the government to shell out money to cover you for this is unrealistic.

Conservative 2: Apparently your definition of selfish only applies to other people.

Me (The Liberal): Millions of americans are in this situation. Anyone who uses an ICU, has cancer, has a heart condition (the most common health condition in the US), has a genetic condition, is disabled, the list goes on. It's about 25% of the population.

Conservative 2: Well this conversation has proven to be less intelligent then the one I'm having with Dave about who would win if Batman fought Darth Vader. So I'm gonna walk away from this one. Luckily we have a president and a congress who agree with me.

Me (The Liberal): Conservative 2 - This is less about selfishness and more about what is more important, 500 bucks a month for each person or millions of people who could be helped by that 500 bucks a month.


Sorry you backed yourself into a corner you couldn't get out of... enjoy Batman V Darth Vader, I'm sure it is an intellectual conundrum.

Me (The Liberal): Conservative 3 - If it was just me, it'd be an easy decision, because realistically, 4 million isn't that much in the federal budget, but it isn't just me, it's millions of americans in my position, that's why this is a national crisis that needs to be addressed. That's why healthcare reform is on the national agenda.

Conservative 3: What you are trying to debate, in the usual roundabout way, is the perspective that we should live in an entitlement culture with a socialist agenda. As a socialist, you want everyone to pool all their resources together for the betterment of civilization - from your viewpoint. That's not how we operate. People in this country work for a living. We earn money through a job and use that money to pay for things like insurance. The debt I accrue in life is not your responsibility, nor is yours mine. Again, the medical debt you have is a result of making a conscious choice to have children. You would not have this medical debt if you elected to not have children.

Me (The Liberal): What I am trying to debate, in a very straightforward way is that there are certain things such as roads, healthcare, fire suppression, public safety, education, etc, that should use shared resources because in the end, they provide a public service and benefit everyone. Yes, people work for a living and some have more than others, but there is a base standard of living every citizen should have. No one should die because they don't have the money to live.

Conservative 3: I do not agree with you. No one is entitled to a base standard of living. Again, we are back to socialism. No one is entitled to wages. No one is entitled to have their medical debt paid for by everyone else because you are unable to pay it back. You want to talk about selfish acts? Consciously making the decision to have children when there is considerable risk is a selfish act. You are saying "fuck it" I'll have kids because I can and because I want it. Damn the consequences, someone else will pay for this if it goes wrong. Society will pay for my own selfish decisions because I am entitled to a safety net in everything I do. Stop asking what your country can do for you and ask what you can do for your country.

Me (The Liberal): Also, I personally have a condition that requires a medication that costs 10,000 per dose... even without kids, we'd have a dire medical situation.


Consciously deciding to live as part of society means pooling your resources for the good of that society. If you don't want to pool your resources, go live somewhere that doesn't have anything made by other humans.


If you want to live in a world where only the fit survive and no one helps each other, pick one where we don't have a cooperative society.


No one should HAVE medical debt to payback, that's the fundamental difference in our belief system.

Conservative 3: No. That is YOUR definition of being part of society. I am not a socialist. You are the one with the problem trying to force-feed your political viewpoints on to the rest of us, along with the remaining fractured and broken democratic party. I am not the one with the problem complaining about why everyone else cannot pay for my shit and my problems. Now that we have Republican dominated branches in both Legislative and Executive, we will finally rid ourselves of this entitlement culture absent of accountability.

Me (The Liberal): You use shared roads, police, fire, and a whole host of other services. we are all part of a social contract, your belief that only those with money deserve to live is a reflection of the relative wealth you were born into. They day you choose death over uninsured medical care for yourself or someone you love, I'll believe you actually hold this worldview. Until then, I'm going with you talking about something you don't actually have any personal experience with or knowledge of..


Thanks for clarifying that you would prefer my children had died rather than burden the American taxpayer it really crystallizes the import I should place on your opinion.

Conservative 3: I work at a job to pay for those roads, police, fire. My contribution comes in the form of tax deductions from my biweekly paycheck just like every other working American including you. Your inability to take responsibility for your own issues is what we are debating here. From your perspective anything that goes wrong with you or your family medically is not only my problem, but the problem of every other American. I disagree. If we make our beds we should have to lay in them. Don't want 4 million in medical debt? File for bankruptcy like many others have done. It washes everything away I am told save student loans - also something the government is not responsible for. You can imply whatever you want about my own viewpoints and will usually end up being wrong, as you are wrong about the United States being a socialist state. For someone who does not value my opinion you sure do try your bestest to argue with me in just about every political post on social media, including this one which has what - 100 or so replies?

Conservative 2: Liberal, there are plenty of people without homes. When you decide to invite those strangers into your lavish home to live with you, then maybe we will believe that you aren't selfish. Until then you're just as full of shit as anyone else. You aren't giving up things you have for other people, but you expect others to give up for you. It's why you liberals are such a fucking joke. If you want to live in a socialized country, go move to one. America has obviously rejected this idea, repeatedly and emphatically.

Me (The Liberal): Conservative 3 - Are you kidding, filing for bankruptcy screws everyone for whom you owe money. It is the ultimate abdication of responsibility and something that should only be done under dire circumstances. I am advocating for a solution that means those in the medical profession will get paid for their services. You are advocating for a system where people use those services and then do not pay, but instead declare bankruptcy and wipe that debt.


The level of selfishness inherent in the idea that bankruptcy is a valid remediation for debt is appalling.

Conservative 3: Liberal - Take responsibility for your actions. You choose to have children, not the American people. Maybe we should turn to our government and have permits to have children? Our government, all knowing and all powerful, can conduct "studies" on who is healthy and in a position to benefit society by having children and only those couples are allowed to spawn? I digress... Your moralistic viewpoint that when you spill milk the rest of the country should clean it up for you does not sit well with me. It strikes me to the core as someone who relies on others rather than owning the problem and taking care of it myself.

Screwing over your credit temporarily in order to wash away the debt is still a choice. Don't complain because you don't like the choices before you because of a decision you made.

Me (The Liberal): Conservative 3 Bankruptcy doesn't screw me long term, it screws the people who gave me the services that I'm abdicating responsibility for... They lose millions, I recover in 7 years... Bankruptcy isn't a solution, it's the outcome of a lack of solution.


This isn't about my children, this is about whether a human being of any age has the right to live when sick whether or not they have money. I am understanding your answer to be that no, they should not live if they do not have money. I disagree with that base premise.


I think at this point, we're going to have to agree to disagree.

Me (The Liberal): Conservative 2 - Quit employing logical fallacies to try to mask the fact that you do not have any substantive talking points for your position

Conservative 2: Oh, so you don't have an answer. Again, you're not willing to give up anything, you just want others to give you more because you think you're entitled.

Just so you know... that makes you "selfish".

Me (The Liberal): Conservative 2 I am willing to give up the exact same thing I'm asking everyone else to give up for the exact same service we'd all receive. You are using strawman arguments and red herrings in an attempt to derail the discussion, which is counter productive.

Conservative 3: Liberal -  this is about selfish choices, gambling and losing, then asking everyone in the country to take a bite out of your shit sandwich that is 4 million in medical debt. Don't shine a turd. Choices have consequences good and bad both. You, as a socialist, believe everyone is obligated to pay for your problems. I disagree with this viewpoint. In our polarized society and a dwindling democratic party continues to fling itself around violently in death throes, I hope the people who are not happy move elsewhere to a utopia rather than try and continue to cram their viewpoints down our throats. Such thinking is why you lost the last election. People are sick of it and now we have a President who will put an end to it. Thankfully.

Me (The Liberal): Conservative 3 It isn't just my kids, it is me, even if my kids were healthy, we'd be talking about tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars per year based on my own medical condition.


The gamble you are talking about is living, not having kids. Anyone who is alive may need catastrophic medical care. Quit trying to confuse the issue. We're talking about humans who need medical care, which is an inevitability, not a chance.

Conservative 3: Liberal the ACA is toast. Accept your loss and accept that society has rejected your way of thinking by majority, as our democracy has dictated. You lost. We will go back to a healthcare system not ran by our broken government. Pick a plan that makes sense and works for you and maybe if you are in a situation of dire need, you will have a plan in place that will not leave you with another 4 million in debt. Instead of ranting, wait and see what the replacement plan will look like. The democrats had their chance and fucked it up. We have rejected the values and ideals to which you hold dear. Deal with it and move on.

Conservative 2: [animated gif depicting a man saying “Bye Felicia”
Me (The Liberal): Conservative 3 - Not even close to a majority of Americans. The democrats implemented the plan the Republicans first introduced during the Clinton administration. I don't have 4 million dollars in debt, my children required 4 million dollars in care. This discussion hasn't been about what congress will do, but rather what you believe should be done, those are two very different things

Me (The Liberal): Conservative 2 - No, just no... you obviously don't even know what that means.


Conservative 3: [Animated gif depicting a logo purported to be for the democratic party with a crying baby]