Sunday, August 8, 2010

Pregnancy causes vivid dreams

I have been meaning to post some of those vivid pregnancy dreams I’ve been having. There are three that to this day are so vivid I can still see them clearly. I have no idea what they mean, or how they helped me cope or process what was happening.

The first dream occurred before we knew any details of the defect. This was back when I was just anxious about the pregnancy, without any idea why. I was just waiting for the “other shoe” to drop. I had been given a toy for the baby. It was a red fisher price barn set. When I opened it, cedar shavings fell out and I found that a mouse had setup a nest in the barn. The mouse had mated with the pigs in the set and 1/2 the babies in the nest were regular baby mice, the other half were much larger, pink 1/2 mouse 1/2 pig babies. They had cute little pig snouts and curly pig tails and big mouse ears. I woke up laughing...

The second dream occurred the night after we found out about the baby’s defect. I dreamed we went to see the specialist and they said I couldn’t carry the baby anymore. That instead we had to setup a huge aquarium and they were going to transfer the baby into a fish. They put the fish inside me to get the baby and I looked down at my stomach and saw the dorsal fin of the fish poking out of my body just under the skin. The doctor used the fin to remove the fish and put the fish into the aquarium. The fish started pooping air bubbles with what looked like edemame and the doctor said when the fish poops air bubbles with a kidney bean in each bubble, then everything would be good to go and the fish could take over the pregnancy. I woke up crying...

The third dream occurred several weeks ago, I dreamt we decided to adopt a second child from Korea and when we got there to pick her up, we found out she was a twin. They were letting the other twin die because she had Down syndrome and a heart defect. A caretaker at the orphanage tipped me off and introduced me to the other little girl. I was crying when I handed the baby to TheMan and in the end he agreed to take both girls. The sick girl was already in heart failure and they weren’t giving her any medicine because they were just going to let her die. We shared the heart medicine we had from our son with her. In the end we volunteered for what we fear most. I woke up feeling both hopeful and sad...
All of these dreams were incredibly vivid and full of color and a strange realism. I do wonder why I had them… maybe they’ll make sense someday... but pig-mice... really?

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