Last night as I fell asleep I was praying. It is not my usual prayer which is “good night, thanks for everything, you’re doing great, I love you” I wish it was. Instead it was a litany of what should I do, when should I do it, how do I do this and what if, what if, what if… Suddenly, the thoughts all stopped and I felt a response. The thought was impressed upon me, and now I’m clinging to it like a lifeline “You just love him, and I’ll take care of the rest”. After I felt that, I drifted off to sleep, and I slept well.
Today, I’ve been very anxious regarding the amnio scheduled for Tuesday. After talking it over with TheMan and my Aunt, I’ve decided to ask to post-pone the amnio unless it can tell them something significant regarding my son’s care. We’ve got a 1/10000 risk of the baby having Downs, and a 2/3 chance that the heart defect is not related to Downs. That’s not worth a 1/400 risk of losing my son.
If they need the amnio, we can wait until later and take steps to mature the lungs just in case things go wrong. Nothing changes if we find out the kiddo has Chromosomal problems. We still will do our best to deliver a healthy baby and we’ll still have to deal with whatever we find after the fact. The amnio answers a question that will be answered in a few months regardless, there is no point in taking the risk.
All we need to do is love this baby, God will take care of the rest.